Judgment for Placing Me Below All Others
Rage For Devouring My Soul
Control For Imprisoning My Innocence
Ignorance For Absolute Loneliness
We often spend our time trying to feel better. It is a never ending grasping for the next fix. We start our day with a nice cup of coffee, then get on Facebook, hoping for some escape from the mundane.
We want to be surprised, shocked even…anything that will break our state of catatonic existing.
We love it when there is some drama because we get to feel some elation and focus on someone else for a change. It is nice to get out of our own heads for a moment.
Then, we become obsessed with thoughts about how much time we have until our next break. Our thoughts turn to what we will eat on our 15 minute lunch break and when we will be free to leave.
If we feel the slightest unease, we become desperate to figure out what has caused it…allergies, that burger we ate too late last night, perhaps the position we slept in…
Rather than just feeling it, we jump from one internal dilemma to the next, solving made up issues all day long. Then, we wonder why we are so exhausted.
We push it away, in ourselves and in others, constantly running.
We are so afraid of feeling uncomfortable that we spend the majority of our lives running and trying to escape. Escape what?
Feelings. Heaviness. Darkness.
Facing What is in the Dark Side of Shadow
What if we just stopped? What if we could just face all of it?
What if we could face the boredom, pain, annoyance, frustration, loneliness, despair, depression, anxiety etc…
This was the choice I decided to make. At the time, I was so tired…soul tired.
I could barely function. I withdrew from life, from interactions with others and I had just tuned out.
I knew it was killing me so I made a decision. I would face whatever presented itself to me, throughout my day, whatever it was. This is when something huge began to happen.
I stopped trying to fight back by being more condescending than that bossy coworker.
I began looking for how we were similar. I started realizing which wounds she was reflecting to me that I’d been trying to bury deep inside.
Suddenly, the annoying anxiety ridden trainer was just a hurt boy that I felt a fondness for.
As I started realizing all the ways, we were the same, I found that part of me that was crying out for love.
I started to see past the darkness. I could see how divinity was using my life to move me and teach me what I needed to see. I started seeing the Great Mystery in All of it.
The Teacher began guiding me within the mundane and I realized that fear was my own self created monster.
I was choosing to give my power away and fuel it. That anxiety was not all powerful, unless I agreed to make it so.
By accepting and embracing all that presented itself, I started living the words of all the Teachers I’d ever heard. Their seeds of truth started waking up inside.
It wasn’t by avoiding my life and going to yoga or meditation class. The true gems were coming by engaging in the seemingly stupid little moments at the grocery store etc, at work etc…
It was by feeling uncomfortable and walking straight into the heart of it, that I found relief. By fully listening to someone else’s judgment of me, I found my inner truth.
When I was attacked and torn down by someone I loved, I found self love. The darkness in others is often our most valuable Teacher and doorway to empowerment.
By fully accepting and surrendering to what is happening right in front of us, we find our own power. We find our voice of truth. Everything we need is presented to us.
Everything in front of us, right now, is teaching us how to love. It is a movie of our making, reflecting our own inner thoughts. It is our greatest Teacher.
Think that person talking to you should be more Christian like, Zen like, competent, kinder, wittier, funnier, or just more like us?
The question is, which part of us do we prefer them to be? Which part of us are they actually being?
What are your own inner thoughts focused on during your day? Judgment? Criticism? What part of this inner dialogue are these other people reflecting back to you?
What behaviors do they represent in you? How do you feel about the natural disasters that are occurring? What do they represent inside you? What about the suffering?
Take an honest look.
To My Greatest Teachers
Christ My Beloved
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Thich Nhat Hanh
To all the mirrors I’ve loved dearly and all the mirrors I’ve hated passionately. To the darkness and the light for bringing me into wholeness.