How Being Selfish Is The Best Thing You Can Do
We spend most of our time thinking of other people. I don’t just mean thinking about their well-being, I just mean thinking about them. We obsess about our conversations and how they went.
We wonder if they liked us or thought we were strange, nice, good looking, etc…
We meet someone new and immediately form an opinion about who they are.
If someone is going through something difficult, we go into sympathy, which is really seeing them as small.
Then, we imagine how difficult their life must be and wonder how we can make a difference.
When we disagree with someone, we usually spend a lot more time on determining how they could be better.
We wonder if we can get them to see our point of view, which is the only right way to see it!
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When we interact with someone that is like us, we think of all the ways we like them and wonder how to get more time with them.
We don’t even realise how much time we spend trying to get approval and love from other people.
Our immediate desire to change someone is even a form of wanting to eventually get approval or love.
The Victim & The Bully
Have you ever noticed how animals attack or alienate the weak? The animal kingdom can sense weakness and it acts accordingly. It can seem brutal.
On the other hand, I have seen a frail old mother gorilla stand her ground with a Silverback by merely grunting in a commanding way.
Physically, he could take her down easily, and yet he doesn’t.
Take the Chihuahua for instance. There can be 100 dogs of all sizes at the dog park, and yet the chihuahua usually ends up in charge. They all just fall in line behind the little bossy one.
The Chihuahua doesn’t seem to know that it is smaller than the others or doesn’t care. It just knows it is in charge. Therefore, the other dogs treat it with respect.
What is the difference?
It is how we feel about ourselves that determines how others will treat us.
If we feel victimised and think of ourselves as weak, then others will want to give us a hard time. They can’t help it. We are asking them to play a role of bully.
They are just accepting our invitation and often don’t even know why. That doesn’t mean put on an arrogant role to fix it. This just reverses the roles.
The best thing we can do is to be selfish. Give to ourselves what we need most. If we need respect, we need to learn self-respect.
Then, others will follow our lead, just like the Chihuahua.
Needy people are not attractive. In fact, they actually inspire the opposite of love.
Think about a needy person. Did you want to get closer to them and smother them with affection?
Not likely. You probably wanted to run away as fast as you could.
You may have even noticed yourself pushing them away from you, in an energetic sense.
Maybe you snapped at them for no obvious reason, even surprising yourself.
When someone is neglecting or being unkind to themselves, we will do the same in return, reflecting them perfectly.
There is a difference between someone that is going through a hard time and truly needs support.
I am talking about the person that is so empty inside, they walk around desperately trying to get love and acceptance from others.
You can feel it. This is someone that has not been selfish first. This is someone that is spending most of their time thinking about other people and how to get approval.
When someone has been selfish first, giving themselves caring loving respect and support, they will seem confident.
They will seem independent and full. You will want to be around them more.
When we begin with us, building ourselves up first, we start to notice a shift in others.
We already know how to build others up, giving them reassurance, support, and love.
But what about you? What do you need? How do you give that to yourself, right now?
The first step is getting in touch with what you need. Then, simply asking how you can give that to yourself. Allow the answers to come to you.
You may not get it in words but rather opportunities presenting themselves to you.
When they do present themselves, go for it. Be selfish in this way.
- Wrap Your Arms Around You As Often As Possible
- Tell Yourself You Are Worthy of Good
- Give Yourself Gifts
- Appreciate Your Qualities & Successes
- Respect What You Have to Say
- Honor What You Are Feeling
If you are feeling like you need affection and are gifted a free massage, notice.
This is you giving to you. Notice how others are treating you. Is it kind? Is it harsh?
Start being kind to yourself and others will miraculously change right in front of your eyes. Enjoy.
Thank you for reading.
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Misha Almira is a shamanic healer. meditation teacher, and full time blogger.