How to Stop Playing the Blame Game & Finally Forgive
Most of us have played the blame game at least once in our lives. For many of us, it is our default for coping with pain. We might want to forgive, but it seems too far to reach.
Have you ever been blamed for something that you honestly did not do?
Have you ever blamed someone else for something that hurt you, hoping they would be punished?
Holding Grudges & Withholding Love
I was a BIG grudge holder for most of my life. I felt like it was my job to make someone pay for the hurt they caused.
Honestly, all it did was make me miserable, and fat.
The funny part is life has a way of returning ALL of it…everything we put out. All the love I withheld was eventually withheld from me.
All the curses I’d sent, in ignorance, came back to torment only me.
It had no effect on the ones I blamed, at least that I could see. They went on to live happy lives, and I made mine miserable.
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Eventually, we realize the whole world is just a big mirror, reflecting what is on the inside of us. This can be a difficult realization that usually sinks in slowly.
First, we deny it completely. Then, we pick and choose certain parts that we are willing to accept, but only the good parts.
Finally, we are left with very little room to squirm and we HAVE to acknowledge it ALL, like it or not.
It can be disorienting, confusing, and unnerving to stop putting the blame on others and accept it all as ours.
We may question how we can possibly take responsibility for ALL of the mess that is our current life.
The truth is, we can only blame our parents for so long until we realize there is a pattern in our adult lives as well.
Even still, how can we be responsible for the unkindness and neglect our parents taught us?
How can we help our abandonment issues? We can’t help this! And our current relationships are just bringing up what our parents did to us, right?
After blaming others for years and cutting them out of my life if THEY didn’t change to my liking, I was miserable.
I also noticed how someone else would just show up to take their place, triggering the SAME issues I just walked away from. Sound familiar?
The new person would bring up the same disappointments in me. Coincidence?
When I initially saw this, I turned it around and started blaming myself, which did nothing but lower my self-esteem.
Then, I was in such a deep state of embarrassment and shame that all I wanted to do was isolate myself and avoid people.
Taking Our Power Back
The problem with blaming is it hurts everyone involved and leads to more suffering. It makes it impossible to progress in a healthy way because we are stuck in hate, shame or guilt.
If we are blaming someone else, it is giving our power for change over to them.
Then, we either have to wait for them to change their actions or we can make ourselves crazy trying to make them do something different.
THIS NEVER WORKS. Trust me.
We cannot control or manipulate other people so our pain will go away. iAll we are doing is prolonging the pain.
It is not our job to punish anyone, including ourselves. And that doesn’t mean that they got away with it and we are making it okay to do it again.
They are the only ones that can take responsibility for them, and it is not up to us implement this.
We can trust that they will get the lessons they need to learn and that has nothing to do with us.
The only power we ultimately have is to make choices for us.
We can take responsibility for our part in creating our life exactly the way it is.
We can learn to embrace all the aspects of our mirror we see looking back at us and we can become whole again.
If we truly want to move forward and find peace in our own hearts, we can decide to forgive.
We can make the choice to forgive our parents, grandparents, friends, lovers, and most importantly ourselves.
We do not even have to say it out loud to them.
We can just have a heartfelt intention every day to forgive, starting with ourselves.
Place your hands over your heart and breathe deeply while saying silently to yourself, “I forgive you.”
Repeat this every night before you go to bed for the next 30 days.
After 30 days, extend it to another person and so on.
Let your intuition guide you. It is not about just saying it one time and it’s done.
It is about learning to Be forgiving, right now, and making that choice over and over.
It is replacing an old habit of blaming with a new habit of forgiveness.
The more you practice this, the more you will see your world reflecting beauty, kindness, and love back to you.
You will gain insights about parts of yourself you have denied and shut out. You will begin to heal the missing soul fragments…the inner child, and the wounds from your past.
Your relationships with become more harmonious.
Your career and money issues will turn around.
You will feel lighter, more optimistic, peaceful and happier.
The heavy burden of life will turn to excitement because you will be resonating at a much higher vibration.
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Misha Almira is a shamanic healer. meditation teacher, and full time blogger.