When the ceremony started, I started feeling relaxed and a subtle sense of well-being. This was Mother Ayahuasca introducing herself…slowly.
Then within 30 minutes the Maestro Shaman Diogenes started singing the Icaros and his wife Anita joined in shortly after.
From this moment forward I will refer to them as Anita and Diogenes.
When the Icaros started, I felt a sense of coming home. I was elated. Waves of euphoria washed over me. Their voices were angelic, tribal, beautiful songs soothing my spirit.
Then my doubts and mind chatter started working on me.
“I’m not breathing deep enough, nothing is happening, other people are purging, maybe I’m not feeling it. “
Then, a wave of intense nausea hit. I started breathing deeply then I felt an intense emotion.
I don’t have a name for it other than intense emotion. It wasn’t sad, angry, anxiety, fear or anything I’m familiar with.
Then, both of these experiences faded with the breath. I could hear people purging all around me. The energy started building in the room.
It seemed to be directly connected to the Icaros, like they were directing the energy in the entire room.
I felt relaxed, happy, euphoric, and grateful. Everything seemed amplified. The Icaro took me up in a spiral and I saw serpents spiraling up up up.
My body started to move in a circular motion matching the serpents. I was being moved.
I felt vibrating at the base of my spine like I was sitting on a huge Cicada/Locust, wings fluttering madly.
Anita came to me and sat right in front of my mat. They did this for everyone and I noticed as they sang to each person, I could feel each individual’s essence.
As Anita started to singing to me, her voice raised higher and filled the room with a hauntingly powerful angelic melody.
I could feel so deeply it stirred the depths of beauty inside me. It seemed to beckon every positive emotion I’ve ever known and some I have not known. It was a remembering.
My heart stretched so wide, it was painful. It felt like falling in love 1000 times all at once.
Diogenes sang to me and I could feel dormant parts of my heart that had been sorrow for so long. These parts were coming alive again.