Are You Sick of Not Getting Any Sleep? Would You Actually Consider Selling a Kidney Just to Make it Stop?
Insomnia can steal your life a little at a time. It takes the fun out of your days and leaves you in a desperate state night after night. At first, you think I’ll just find some good books and get ahead on my reading. I can use this to my advantage and the reading will make me sleepy. Genius! Then, you are done with your book and staring at the clock at 4 am. By the time 6 am, comes around, adrenaline kicks in and you feel invincible. This plan will work! Tonight you will get some sleep and it will all be a fading memory.
However, after repeating night one, you start reevaluating your plan. This time there is no adrenaline, your eyes are burning, you don’t know how you are going to muster the energy to get dressed much less get through the entire day!
On night 3 you cannot even read the words on the page, you make yourself get up and go out. You think maybe if you go to an all night coffee shop, it will pass the time. On the drive there, you are seriously questioning your driving skills and sanity. Even traffic lights are proving to be a major source of confusion. You make it there and have a hint of hope that things will be okay…eventually. There are people here, just like you, drinking coffee at 3:00 am. You will be fine somehow. At least you are not all alone.
The fourth night, you are delirious. There is no other word for it. You are texting your friends crazy shit that makes no sense. You are starting to see things. When you drive, you are swerving to avoid hitting little kids playing in the street, only to realize there is nobody there. You decide to just go home and stay there for everyone’s safety.
You watch all the movies you can find, read more, write some, and go absolutely mad! Then, after a long excruciatingly long night, the sun rises. The worst part is trying to cope like a normal functioning person in the daylight. You are having so many accidents and mishaps at work, you are certain today is the day you will get fired.
You start to care less about others and their petty concerns. You are fighting to just survive the day. Why are they talking to you about the latest shoes they found on sale? Why are they talking to you at all?! You are turning hateful by the second. It seems to never end.
You try bargaining with an invisible Higher Power. You convince yourself you must be in some sort of purgatory. Surely, you must have died and you are not aware of it. Then, you start pleading to come back. You start looking for some redeemable qualities to your previous life. You make promises to God that you know you can’t keep, but you are desperate enough to try.
You Are Not Alone
Roughly 60 million other Americans suffer from sleep disorders each year. Some people have short periods (days to a few weeks) of difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep (called acute insomnia). Others have this difficulty for a month or longer (called chronic insomnia). Some individuals even suffer for years. As you can see from the one example above, Insomnia can be very disruptive to a person’s life, so understanding insomnia can be essential in finding relief and a lasting solution. For some, it is not as obvious. Some individuals can fall asleep but struggle with staying asleep.
There are many different symptoms that are often overlooked such as waking too early, difficulty falling asleep, not feeling rested after a night’s sleep, daytime tiredness or sleepiness. Often, a person may think they are getting sleep, but if they are not staying asleep, they may not be getting the quality sleep they need. This can cause sleep deprivation and symptoms of insomnia as well.
How it Hurts You
Sleep deprivation can start as a few mild symptoms in the body and over time can lead to very serious conditions. Here are a few surprising and serious effects of sleep loss.
I was one of the lucky ones that suffered for years from insomnia. I tried many different pills, tinctures, and remedies. For years, I was dependent on Tylenol PM. They claim it is not addictive, but I felt like I needed it every night just to get to sleep. After taking it for a while, I found myself waking in the middle of the night with restless legs and a sort of nervous energy in my body. I tried working out really hard before going to bed so I was completely exhausted. I would still wake in the night.
Then, purely by accident, I found the perfect combination. The best part is, It has continued to work for me. I find that I fall asleep, sleep soundly all night, and wake up more refreshed. After years of being a very moody morning person, I now actually wake up smiling. I might even say I feel happy. Just don’t tell my friends. I hate to spoil my reputation. I don’t want them to think I don’t appreciate them bringing me coffee in bed. What is my SECRET?
Thank you for reading.
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If We Are Going to Love Well, We Have To Stop Seeing People As Problems or Their Situations As Problems
Learning How to Love
Our significant others can be our biggest button pushers and greatest teachers. We can see many ways that they could improve, especially when they are annoying us. When they finally learn how to listen, they will be perfect! I wish they would just get off the computer and take me out! Sound familiar?
If we can go a little deeper, one step further, we will realize the actual truth. They are us! They are a perfect mirror reflection, showing us where we can love more. They remind us of the places we have denied in ourselves. They are teaching us how to love and I don’t mean how to love them. Although, loving them will be a by-product of fully loving ourselves. Loving ourselves is the true gift in all interactions that annoy or even anger us. It is also a chance to get our power back.
We give of ourselves until we are empty and there is nothing else to give. Then, we expect others to give us love, compassion, acceptance, fulfillment. We even get angry if they deny us of this. The question is, why would they love an empty shell? Think about it. Most of us run from emptiness every chance we get. Can you remember being around someone that was needy and clingy? What is your first reaction? I know mine is to run the opposite direction. Unfortunately, this is the same dynamic that happens in relationships all the time.
Reading this may upset you. I know reading or hearing things like this would make me mad in the past. I’d walk away grumbling something like, “get out of my face with this fluffy love yourself crap! He is the one that needs to change!” Until I experienced it for myself, I would get annoyed and hit the reject button on this type of advice. I was more comfortable blaming others for my suffering… for my emptiness. This went on until I’d had enough. When I had one failed relationship after another and heard the statement, “you just need to love yourself” repeatedly, I gave up. I decided to surrender. The answer I didn’t know was how to love myself. I got the message loud and clear, “just ask.” Could it really be that simple? Isn’t this the message in all the relationship, self-help, and spiritual books I’ve read? I decided to try it. I finally just asked, “how do I love myself?”
That moment is when the door opened, revealing the answer. It wasn’t just one answer. It was a series of answers unfolding from one moment to the next. My life started presenting me with opportunities to choose to love myself. Now, it is an ongoing dialog, a relationship with Creator, Higher Self, and the Universe. All I have to do is pay attention.
Each time we find ourselves getting impatient with others or noticing the road rage escalating, it is a chance to choose to love ourselves. Each time we want our partner to be different, to act different, to feel different, we can ask a question. We can ask ourselves, “what am I feeling right now, inside my body? This is the fastest and easiest way to get really present so we can hear the answer. This is the first step to self-love. Then, we can ask ourselves, “What would it look like to love myself right now?”
Play with it. Explore and discover yourself, on new levels. Appreciate you as much as you would a new lover. When you do, you will realize it is not a selfish, self-centered, arrogant choice. It is fulfillment for you and everyone around you. When you are irresistible to yourself, you become irresistible to others as well. Then, miraculously others change right before your eyes.
My Mamaw passed 6 days ago. I was able to spend several days and two full nights with her before she passed. In hindsight, I realized she was having, what they refer to as, a rally, for the time I spent with her.
At the time, I thought she was getting better. One of the gifts she gave me, during this rally, was being able to interact with her for the final days. She even called me by name and seemed to know exactly what was going on around her.
Her dementia had been unpredictable. Most days, she did not recognize her loved ones. In the rest home, she even watched t.v. right next to her brother and did not make the connection.
So, to see her looking right at me and calling my name, was a precious gift. She knew all of us for those twelve beautiful and challenging days.
I have deep philosophical questions as a result of the last full night I spent with her. The experiences have deeply affected my soul. I sat holding her hand because she wanted someone at her side and she was very affectionate.
Every time I reached over to adjust covers, she would grab me for a long hug. She was so beautiful, even as she struggled to get comfort. Neither one of us gotsleep, but she gave it her best shot.
One minute she was hot, throwing her nightgown and all the covers to the floor. The next minute, she was needing extra blankets. She struggled in constant pain. Nothing seemed to work. She would look at us and ask us to help. She seemed to be fighting more than just the pain. She seemed afraid. At the time, it did not make complete sense.
I felt helpless but was determined to do something…anything. I decided to start invoking angels hoping to soothe her soul. I was asking them to let her know it was okay, that she was safe.
I was also asking them to surround her with love and to ease her suffering. I started noticing when I would do this, she would react.
She would get agitated and put her hands up in front of her face. She acted like the room was full of nurses trying to give her medicine or food.
She would look toward the foot of her bed and say, “no, I don’t need anything.” My sister and I were the only ones in the room and we were just sitting next to her.
She was not looking or talking to us though. This continued. I would call the angels in and ask for their help, and she would dismiss them.
Later in the evening, her pain and discomfort seemed to be escalating. My sister, mom, aunt, and myself were standing at her bedside.
I started silently calling in angels with even more energy and pleading with them to ease her pain while filling her with peace. Her eyes were closed and I had one of her hands.
Then suddenly, she looked right at me and asked, “do you have to do that?” I was shocked by her response. I had not moved at all and the dialog was just in my head, but she was well aware of what was happening energetically.
A little later, she looked at my sister and started pointing to the corner, saying, ” there is one over there, and there, and there.” She was seeing the angels and even counting them.
You have to understand, my grandmother was never a spiritual person. I never heard her talking about angels. She would go to church, but only for my grandpa. After he passed, she never went. She never really understood my spiritual pursuits. It was something we just didn’t discuss.
Out of Body & Other Loved Ones
She began speaking with loved ones that had passed on and talking about Joyce. Joyce was her sister that died shortly after birth. She was asking for her. She had many conversations with loved ones. They were normal conversations like they were standing in the room with her.
In the night, she would say, “I’m so sorry”. Then, she would say, ” I just can’t”. After a while, it changed to, “she just can’t”. She seemed to be referring to herself in the third person. She sweetly whispered, “She has been so sick”. Then, she innocently asked, “is she dead?”. Then, she would say, “she is in trouble”. We would tell her that she was safe and she would calm down. One time she cried out, “my soul!”.
She was saying, “she is in trouble”, and acting afraid. I began to invoke Archangel Michael for clearing and protection. I was asking him to clear the room, her body, our bodies, and to fill everything with love. She had her eyes closed and I was holding her hand, invoking Michael silently.
After a few minutes, I opened my eyes. She had her eyes wide open and was staring at me. Previously, she had been unresponsive to my sister and I.
My sister had been holding her other hand and watching her. She said her eyes just popped open as she looked right at me. At first, it frightened me, but I continued. Then, she started coughing. After that, she calmed for a bit.
I called Archangel Michael, one more time, later in the night, when she was moaning in her sleep. I was sitting next to her, holding her hand. She was asleep and I could only see her if I leaned forward. I leaned back and silently started invoking Archangel Michael again.
I was asking him to clear her body of pain, suffering, and any negative energies. I asked him to fill her with peace, love, and light. I also asked him to fill the room and building with love.
I asked him to surround it all with protective light and to stay with her for guidance. When I opened my eyes, she was sitting up very close to me and staring again. It scared me. The look in her eyes did not look frightened. It looked curious and slightly stern. She never said anything. After I spoke to her, she leaned back and closed her eyes again.
She seemed to be between worlds…partly here and partly in the spirit realm. She expressed repeatedly how she was not ready, or “not needing anything”.
She remained restless for two more days. One day she physically tried to get out of bed for hours. She was unable to get out of bed or walk by herself. She normally did not even desire or attempt this. This day, my mom was staying with her and spent hours trying to keep her from hurting herself. Eventually, they got her into a chair, but she was trying to get out of that too. She was just trying to go! They told us about Terminal Restlessness and let us know it is a common occurrence.
I asked Mamaw to let me know she was okay. I wanted to know that she had made it to the other side completely. I was trying not to worry, but it was on my mind. I could not seem to relax. At the same time, I did not want to be holding her with my worry. I just kept letting the thoughts go as they came up.
Last night, I woke up feeling her. It felt like she was in the room and I was instantly enveloped in a warm peace. It covered my body like a blanket, or a big hug. This peace filled my body and I instantly relaxed. I could feel her love and knew she was better than okay. I told her I loved her and fell into a gentle sleep.
You were red carpet ready even around the house
Never afraid to speak your mind
The most popular dancer in the room (even in your 80’s)
The scent of Gardenias
A perfect example of the lady I’d like to be
I miss your loving touch, your sparkling blue eyes and your strong voice, with that ever-present hint of necessary defiance…whispering to my soul,
“Always Remember Who You Are Dear One. Never let life break your spirit”.
That is what I say to you Mamaw, for your journey Home.
Energy medicine, in its many forms, seeks balance of the mind/body/spirit. An Ayahuasca ceremony can be an extraordinary tool on your path, especially if you enter into the integration period with intention. Any action can become a powerful ritual if you do it with specific energy, humility, and genuine openness to receive teachings in all moments—big or small. Here are a few creative rituals to bring into your post-ceremony integration practice.
Beauty fades…or does it? Who told us this and when did we start believing it? I think of Meryl Streep and wonder what is it about her that is so beautiful? Diane Keaton is another one that just radiates that certain something. I can watch them all day and remain captivated. What is it about them? I narrowed it down to one word. Elegance.
Life purpose can simply be expressed as what you love doing and is the only opportunity you have to contribute greatly to the world as well as making a lasting positive impact.
I want you to know that you are on this planet for a single purpose.
I genuinely know that all human beings are blessed with unique gifts, and the expression of these gifts contribute greatly to our world and can live on after we are gone.
So your gifts (talents embedded in you) are what form a path for your life purpose.
Understanding of life purpose is a major problem that has stopped many from reaching their potential.
No matter the ability and potential you were born with, it will be wasted if your life purpose is not discovered.
“Potential embedded in every human can attain its peak when spent in pursuit of life purpose”.
Life purpose is a key factor to joy and fulfillment in life, so it must be discovered to live a joyful existence. To find purpose it is beneficial to do a self inquiry, and ask the important questions that can reveal exactly what you are here to do.
Some of these answers might come slowly but if you are earnestly longing to know, you will receive the answers. They are in your heart and will come naturally for you. It is important to sit with these questions and not force the answers to come too quickly.
1. What is it that gives me joy (continuous happiness): one of the most powerful ways of discovering life purpose is in discovering what activities give joy to your life, while you are doing them. Let me use this example to explain more, if you take a special interest in doing a particular thing, to the point of forgetting to eat, you have found your purpose.
2. What do I usually think about unconsciously (mostly in my imagination): This is another way of discovering what your life purpose is.
3. What am I capable of teaching others with or without getting paid?