Letting Go in Death

Letting Go in Death - Mamaw's Transition
Letting Go in Death – Mamaw’s Transition

Letting Go in Death – Mamaw’s Transition

My Mamaw passed 6 days ago. I was able to spend several days and two full nights with her before she passed. In hindsight, I  realized she was having, what they refer to as, a rally, for the time I spent with her.

At the time, I thought she was getting better. One of the gifts she gave me, during this rally, was being able to interact with her for the final days. She even called me by name and seemed to know exactly what was going on around her. 

Her dementia had been unpredictable. Most days,  she did not recognize her loved ones.  In the rest home, she even watched t.v. right next to her brother and did not make the connection.  

So, to see her looking right at me and calling my name, was a precious gift. She knew all of us for those twelve beautiful and challenging days.

I have deep philosophical questions as a result of the last full night I spent with her. The experiences have deeply affected my soul. I sat holding her hand because she wanted someone at her side and she was very affectionate.  

Every time I reached over to adjust covers, she would grab me for a long hug. She was so beautiful, even as she struggled to get comfort. Neither one of us got sleep, but she gave it her best shot.  

One minute she was hot, throwing her nightgown and all the covers to the floor. The next minute, she was needing extra blankets. She struggled in constant pain. Nothing seemed to work. She would look at us and ask us to help. She seemed to be fighting more than just the pain. She seemed afraid. At the time, it did not make complete sense.

Angels

I felt helpless but was determined to do something…anything. I decided to start invoking angels hoping to  soothe her soul. I was asking them to let her know it was okay, that she was safe.

I was also asking them to surround her with love and to ease her suffering. I started noticing when I would do this, she would react.

She would get agitated and put her hands up in front of her face. She acted like the room was full of nurses trying to give her medicine or food.

She would look toward the foot of her bed and say, “no, I don’t need anything.” My sister and I were the only ones in the room and we were just sitting next to her.

She was not looking or talking to us though. This continued. I would call the angels in and ask for their help, and she would dismiss them.

Later in the evening, her pain and discomfort seemed to be escalating.  My sister, mom, aunt, and myself were standing at her bedside.

I started silently calling in angels with even more energy and pleading with them to ease her pain while filling her with peace. Her eyes were closed and I had one of her hands.

Then suddenly, she looked right at me and asked, “do you have to do that?” I was shocked by her response.  I had not moved at all and the dialog was just in my head, but she was well aware of what was happening energetically.  

A little later, she looked at my sister and started pointing to the corner, saying, ” there is one over there, and there, and there.”  She was seeing the angels and even counting them.

You have to understand, my grandmother was never a spiritual person. I never heard her talking about angels. She would go to church, but only for my grandpa. After he passed, she never went. She never really understood my spiritual pursuits. It was something we just didn’t discuss.

Death and Dying
Death and Dying

Out of Body & Other Loved Ones

She began speaking with loved ones that had passed on and talking about Joyce. Joyce was her sister that died shortly after birth. She was asking for her.  She had many conversations with loved ones. They were normal conversations like they were standing in the room with her.

In the night, she would say, “I’m so sorry”. Then, she would say, ” I just can’t”. After a while, it changed to, “she just can’t”.   She seemed to be referring to herself in the third person.  She sweetly whispered, “She has been so sick”. Then, she innocently asked, “is she dead?”. Then, she would say, “she is in trouble”. We would tell  her that she was safe and she would calm down.  One time she cried out, “my soul!”.

Archangel Michael

She was saying, “she is in trouble”, and acting afraid. I began to invoke Archangel Michael for clearing and protection. I was asking him to clear the room, her body, our bodies, and to fill everything with love. She had her eyes closed and I was holding her hand, invoking Michael silently.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes. She had her eyes wide open and was staring at me. Previously, she had been unresponsive to my sister and I.

My sister had been holding her other hand and watching her. She said her eyes just popped open as she looked right at me. At first, it frightened me, but I continued. Then, she started coughing. After that, she calmed for a bit.

I called Archangel Michael, one more time, later in the night, when she was moaning in her sleep. I was sitting next to her, holding her hand. She was asleep and I could only see her if I leaned forward. I leaned back and silently started invoking Archangel Michael again.

I was asking him to clear her body of pain, suffering, and any negative energies.  I asked him to fill her with peace, love, and light. I also asked him to fill the room and building with love.

I asked him to surround it all with protective light and to stay with her for guidance. When I opened my eyes, she was sitting up very close to me and staring again. It scared me.  The look in her eyes did not look frightened. It looked curious and slightly stern. She never said anything. After I spoke to her, she leaned back and closed her eyes again.

Between Worlds

She seemed to be between worlds…partly here and partly in the spirit realm. She expressed repeatedly how she was not ready, or “not needing anything”.

She remained restless for two more days. One day she physically tried to get out of bed for hours.  She was unable to get out of bed or walk by herself. She normally did not even desire or attempt this. This day, my mom was staying with her and spent hours trying to keep her from hurting herself. Eventually, they got her into a chair, but she was trying to get out of that too. She was just trying to go! They told us about Terminal Restlessness and let us know it is a common occurrence.

Visitation

I asked Mamaw to let me know she was okay. I wanted to know that she had made it to the other side completely.  I was trying not to worry, but it was on my mind.  I could not seem to relax. At the same time, I did not want to be holding her with my worry. I just kept letting the thoughts go as they came up.

Last night, I woke up feeling her. It felt like she was in the room and I was instantly enveloped in a warm peace. It covered my body like a blanket, or a big hug. This peace filled my body and I instantly relaxed. I could feel her love and knew she was better than okay. I told her I loved her and fell into a gentle sleep.

To Mamaw

To Mamaw

You were red carpet ready even around the house
Never afraid to speak your mind
The most popular dancer in the room (even in your 80’s)
The scent of Gardenias
A perfect example of the lady I’d like to be
 

 

I miss your loving touch, your sparkling blue eyes and your strong voice, with that ever-present hint of necessary defiance…whispering to my soul,
“Always Remember Who You Are Dear One. Never let life break your spirit”.
 
That is what I say to you Mamaw, for your journey Home.
 
Remember Who You Are
 
Nothing Can Break Your Spirit…Not Even Death

 

Thank you for reading.

To Work with Misha, Go Here

Misha Almira

P.S. I would love your feedback. Please comment below. 

Also, if you have experienced feeling stuck in the past or problems moving forward in a bigger way, visit Work With Misha

Top 5 Creative Ayahuasca Integration Rituals

Top 5 Creative Ayahuasca Integration Rituals

Energy medicine, in its many forms, seeks balance of the mind/body/spirit. An Ayahuasca ceremony can be an extraordinary tool on your path, especially if you enter into the integration period with intention. Any action can become a powerful ritual if you do it with specific energy, humility, and genuine openness to receive teachings in all moments—big or small. Here are a few creative rituals to bring into your post-ceremony integration practice.

Continue reading Top 5 Creative Ayahuasca Integration Rituals

Beauty Fades

Beauty Fades
Beauty Fades

Beauty fades…or does it? Who told us this and when did we start believing it? I think of Meryl Streep and wonder what is it about her that is so beautiful? Diane Keaton is another one that just radiates that certain something.  I can watch them all day and remain captivated.  What is it about them?  I narrowed it down to one word. Elegance.

Continue reading Beauty Fades

Self Sabotage and Subconscious Mind

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Self-Sabotage and Subconscious Mind

 

The main cause of self-sabotage is the loss of self-esteem, directly related to trust in our abilities.

In other words, when we distrust what we can accomplish, our mind does its best to bring in a different direction.

Continue reading Self Sabotage and Subconscious Mind

How Do I Find My Life Purpose?

WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE?

Life purpose can simply be expressed as what you love doing and is the only opportunity you have to contribute greatly to the world as well as making a lasting positive impact.

I want you to know that you are on this planet for a single purpose.

I genuinely know that all human beings are blessed with unique gifts, and the expression of these gifts contribute greatly to our world and can live on after we are gone.

So your gifts (talents embedded in you) are what form a path for your life purpose.

Understanding of life purpose is a major problem that has stopped many from reaching their potential.

No matter the ability and potential you were born with, it will be wasted if your life purpose is not discovered.

“Potential embedded in every human can attain its peak when spent in pursuit of life purpose”.

Life purpose is a key factor to joy and fulfillment in life, so it must be discovered to live a joyful existence. To find purpose it is beneficial to do a self inquiry, and ask the important questions that can reveal exactly what you are here to do.

Some of these answers might come slowly but if you are earnestly longing to know, you will receive the answers. They are in your heart and will come naturally for you. It is important to sit with these questions and not force the answers to come too quickly.

1. What is it that gives me joy (continuous happiness): one of the most powerful ways of discovering life purpose is in discovering what activities give joy to your life, while you are doing them. Let me use this example to explain more, if you take a special interest in doing a particular thing, to the point of forgetting to eat, you have found your purpose.

2. What do I usually think about unconsciously (mostly in my imagination): This is another way of discovering what your life purpose is.

3. What am I capable of teaching others with or without getting paid?

4. What am I naturally good at doing?

5. What do people always ask me to help them do?

Thank you for reading.

To Work with Misha, Go Here

 

Misha Almira

P.S. I would love your feedback. Please comment below. 

 

The Feminine in All of Us

To love without condition, for no reason at all, this is what the Feminine is bringing to this Earth. Freedom is already inside of us.

The Feminine is within all of us. It has been silent and timid, waiting for this time to awaken fully. 

 

 

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

-Mary Oliver

Kuan-Yin-–-Ancient-Extraterrestrial-God3

Her mind
is virtue,
perfected. Her body is wisdom, perfected. Her face
is
bathed in holy light; She is compassion itself. 
—ancient
Chinese sutra to
Kuan Yin

“The
Thunder, Perfect
Mind”

Egyptian_Queen_Wallpaper_JxHy

For I am the first and the last.
I am the honored one and the scorned one.
I am the whore and the holy one.
I am strength and I am fear.
I am war and I am peace. 

In 1945, fifty-three ancient manuscripts were unearthed in Egypt at the
site of a second-century monastery. 
They contained this wonderful poem, written in the voice of
the
Feminine Divine.

Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. ~Kahlil

Thank you for reading.

To Work with Misha, Go Here

Misha Almira

P.S. I would love your feedback. Please comment below. 

Also, if you have experienced feeling stuck in the past or problems moving forward in a bigger way, visit Work With Misha

Health, Divine Femininity & Entrepreneurship