Sexism At My Job: How Spirituality Taught Me a Huge Lesson
Sexism is especially obvious in some cultures and even in our Western culture which has been recently highlighted by the Trump saga.
For me, it has never felt this personal, until now.
I am becoming painfully aware that I have led a pretty sheltered life in this area which has left me comfortably removed from it.
Recently, I have been working in a restaurant that is a predominantly male staff.
It has become evident that the males are valued automatically just for being male.
If they do make mistakes, they are quickly swept under the nearest rug, explained away with a logical reason.
The females are underestimated right away and must prove themselves repeatedly just to be counted.
This was a new experience that I found quite baffling at first.
I thought this was just my imagination until I heard other female coworkers venting their own frustrations.
It was clear it was happening with all the females.
This was a new experience for me and I could see it triggering my “not enough” shadow aspects.
It seemed no matter how many things I did right, they were holding me in a small box, waiting for me to screw up…even counting on it.
I could feel myself slipping into a victim role, but this time, it was different.
I could clearly see that I had a choice. I could choose to be a creator in my life or I could react to the creation others were projecting over me.
I stopped and took a deep breath. I asked myself,
“what do you want to create?”
“Living my purpose in every moment.”
“What is your purpose?”
I took my awareness off of management and breathed into my heart space. I made eye contact with the first person I could see.
I held an intention of being centered in love and sending that to everyone in the room.
Then, I held the intention to send it to everyone in creation.
I could feel vital life energy coming back into the spaces that were filled with fight or flight.
I remembered who I was and what I was really here to do.
I was not here to please others, or do a good job at work. I was here to get out of the way and Be love.
It sounds simple and maybe a bit new age mumbo jumbo, but it felt more real to me than anything at that moment.
Sexism at Work: Management & Coworkers Move in On Me
The management and coworkers started bombarding me with words that could have had the effect of tearing me down, and making me doubt myself.
It almost took me down into a spiral of emotional turmoil but I saw something.
I saw the opportunity, this time, to not bite. I could see how this was a small game now.
It was a fish hook with no bait. I had no use for it.
It reminded me of the hummingbird, and how it only drinks from the flowers that contain vital nectar. It does not even bother with the rest. It knows which ones can feed it and which ones don’t.
Battle of the Sexes
I was shown another perspective on this masculine/feminine dynamic.
I was shown the threat that the masculine energy felt from the feminine and the need to control it.
I could see it’s motivation to squash it for the sake of protection.
I could also see how the feminine energy was causing this.
By trying to preserve itself, it was going into the masculine fight or flight which was only creating a battle.
It was a fight between the masculine and the masculine and it was going nowhere.
All it was doing was perpetuating the need to protect cycle which would keep this going with no end.
No One Wins!
Upside of Sexism: Facing the Enemy
I asked for help in stepping out of this cycle. I breathed deeply.
My energy softened. My defenses dropped. A question came in. “
“How could I be true to mySelf right now.”
I could sense the answer as I breathed out the frustration and anger in one single breath.
Then, let it go.
I looked for what I could do.
I began helping others where I could see the need.
Gratitude took over and I forgot my issues for a bit. Until the manager called me over.
I wanted to avoid him but decided to face him.
He started telling me how to do something “the right way.”
I looked him in the eyes when he spoke and what I saw caught me off guard.
I saw a beautiful little boy looking out at me… innocent, and loving.
He was silently requesting something of me.
There was an almost desperate longing reaching from the oceanic depths of his gorgeous soul.
It was as if he was asking for the love of the Mother.
Something inside me silently opened to his request.
While he continued on with his ever so slightly condescending verbal reprimand of my incompetence, the Mother embraced him.
Without Left Brain understanding, I watched the dynamic as a busy night in a restaurant forged on.
It was like being in two realms at once, in the midst of growing chaos.
I watched the masculine energy softened as the feminine gently opened.
There was a silent surrender and honoring of both roles as they settled into their intended places.
I couldn’t quite say who took the lead but a harmonious flow began.
I could glimpse the dance between them as they learned to move as one.
That moment when the two Argentine Tango dancers become the music embodied… when individual musicians fall away leaving one indescribable moment shared in one heart.
Purpose of the Masculine: Protection of Sexism
Then, I was shown the main purpose of the masculine. I could see the strong protective stance of the true masculine.
It was here to protect creation. It was here to be strong but not destructive in a violent way.
I could see the innate drive to protect the feminine as well and how it would so often get twisted.
Then, I could see the opposing job of the masculine which was the fighter, attacker, or warrior.
I could see the ways it would turn in on itself and the feminine ultimately destroying itself through sexism.
Purpose of the Feminine: Creation of Sexism
I was shown the main purpose of the feminine. I could see the creative power and the deep longing for this, across the planet.
It expanded somewhere deep inside. I could see the beauty of how the balanced feminine energy was meant to create new life, beauty, and love.
I could see all the places that it got twisted into ideas of what creative power should look like.
I could also see the opposing job of the feminine in the destructive aspect and the twists that happened there, turning in on itself with judgment, doubt, and self-violence.
The end result being destroying itself and creating more sexism.
Walking Between the Worlds
I was seeing all of this while remembering that table 81 needed a spoon and table 71 needed steak knives, parmigiana, and water…
My heart space was expanding while my monkey mind focused on details. My heart seemed to be connecting with my third eye, showing me in “knowing” all that I was meant to learn from this.
Who’s Life Is This Anyway?!
All the people around me were suddenly showering me with “thank you’s” and even “I love you’s”.
A guest hugged me and told me how much she appreciated me.
When I took dirty dishes to the dish pit, the dishwasher was singing a song, “Misha!!! I love you.”
At one point, several people chimed in at once, singing along. I walked to the bar and the bartender started singing the same song to me.
Funny, how everything really is just one big reflection of who we are being.
It was almost comical how obvious it was.
Sexism At My Job: How Spirituality Taught Me a Huge Lesson & My Conclusion
Everything Becomes the Teacher When We Pay Attention
This morning, I was standing outside, still trying to wake up when the wind blew across my face and I could hear what it was saying.
It was telling me I am not at this restaurant to stand up for myself or prove myself. I am there to be the embodiment of the feminine.
My mind immediately set off trying to figure out how to make that happen. Then, the wind blew through the trees and circled around me saying,
“all you have to do is get out of the way.” “Allow Great Spirit to move just as the wind is moving these trees.”
I began thanking the wind, the trees, and the allies that were teaching me.
Then, the wind blew through the trees again creating all these little leaves to rain down in spirals all around me.
The Creation of Beauty.
The creation of beauty is happening right now.
Are you noticing it or are you too busy judging your
Our lives are continuously unfolding right in front of us, one moment at a time.
All we have to do is breathe, listen, observe, and surrender to right now.
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