Top 5 Coping Mechanisms That Can Keep You Stuck & What to Do About It
Many of us have a daily routine, but are our routines taking us where we want to go? How much of our routines consist of coping mechanisms that are keeping us stuck in a life we can barely tolerate?
We obsessively watch the clock, thinking about getting off work so we can finally be free…at least for another day. However, what does being free look like to most of us?
Have you ever spent hours obsessing about what you will do when you get off work? Only the thoughts consist of how soon you can have that first cocktail or beer…what you will have for dinner…what you can watch on tv.
Then, there are the forbidden or taboo thoughts of when you can get alone time to watch porn, chat with your new sexy online fling, or steal away to get your next pill fix (Xanax included).
Although, these have become so socially acceptable, you don’t even need to steal away, we can just pop one at work.
Somehow, these seem more thrilling than the rest of our lives so we justify the need. After all, we are good the rest of the time…going to work, raising the kids, and giving to charity. We all need a little treat sometime. No problem, right?
Once we start sourcing from fear, we go into coping mechanisms. Rather than living a life that will take us into more happiness and freedom, we live on default and our coping mechanisms begin to rule us.
The life we are actually trying to get away from is the constant feeling of being trapped, stuck, and imprisoned. The question we need to ask ourselves is what is causing us to feel this way, really?
Coping mechanisms give us a quick fix, a momentary relief, maybe even a high or pleasure rush, but ultimately leave us feeling guilt, shame, disgust, even angry. Then, we take these feelings and project them on our jobs, spouses, kids, pets, and lives in general.
If we stay in this cycle, we will continue to feel unsatisfied and stuck, with no escape in sight.
Coping mechanisms are formed from unprocessed trauma at some point in our life. If ignored, we will just keep adding more coping mechanisms that will ultimately run our lives.
Let’s take a look at some of the top coping mechanisms. All of these are a type of addiction to suffering based on fear. We will talk about that later.
When I go home to visit family, our lives are focused around the next meal, either at a restaurant or at home. We barely finish one meal when we start planning our next.
Will we meet for drinks and early dinner out, or have desserts now with lattes? We could order pizza for a late dinner and stay in.
One thing is for sure, we will be eating and eating well! Binge eating is a form of self punishment.
It usually involves extreme deprivation followed by extreme gluttony and always ends in shame. It might seem harmless when the whole family is doing it, but the end result is an internal prison sentence if continued.
Alcohol is by far one of the most socially acceptable ways to get a fix. So many of our social interactions involves drinking. It would be rude to go to a party and not be offered a drink as soon as you walk in.
It is a way to loosen up and connect more with others. It takes the edge off and can make socializing seem effortless.
That is until it turns ugly. It can even seem like the ugliness or inability to manage life can happen seemingly overnight. The torment of it, is by that time, it has got you hooked.
Then, you find out from your closest friends that you are not an enjoyable social drinker and that they actually try to avoid you when you drink. Ouch.
However, there is no area of your life that doesn’t revolve around or involve alcohol which makes it extremely hard to stop without a complete life overhaul. It is insidious and relentless. It is a constant source of suffering.
Smoking is one of the most lethal addictions and one of the toughest to stop. It is often associated with coffee, breaks from work, sex, driving and eating. It is an additional reward and an instant rush of feel good. Until it’s not.
However, the one statement I hear the most from smokers is, “I really need to quit smoking. It is killing me.” It is your very own chamber of pain and pleasure that results in ultimate perpetual suffering.
4.Codependency and Unhealthy Relationships
In many ways this can seem like an addiction to love or a fear of abandonment. We are so afraid of being alone that we will put ourselves last, depleting our own energy. Codependency can silently torture an individual and their partner.
It can feel so desperate to feel out of control and vulnerable that we resort to controlling our partner. It can be passive aggressive in some ways and obvious in others.
We can not even realize we are doing this.We are just trying to feel safe in a seemingly unsafe environment but the end result is often feeling trapped and alone.
This can be the result for both partners in the relationship. We are so busy trying to control or getting away from control that the lose the true heart connection and what is left is deep seated resentment.
5.Sex or Porn Addiction #pornaddictiontips
Sex or porn addiction can seem harmless and is more socially acceptable especially with men. Unfortunately, it can leave the individual alienated from true connection and with a false sense of reality.
Often, sex or porn addicts are afraid of intimacy while they deeply yearn for the experience of loving connection. As they go deeper into their coping mechanism, it takes them further from their deepest desire.
It also can alter their association and relationship to the opposite sex…turning more into a narcissistic supply for feeding their emptiness and depletion of love.
They can begin to see others as objects meant for the taking rather than a real person available for a true relationship of giving and receiving. There is also a tendency to feel drawn to even more taboo and vulgar ways of gaining pleasure as they become more desensitized and accustomed to having everything at their fingertips. In the end, this only feeds suffering.
There are other coping mechanisms and addictions such as drugs, social media, tv, and gambling to name a few. They can all have a common thread of ultimately causing suffering.
Addiction to Suffering, the Mother to all addictions, creates an epidemic of divided or lost souls. Our coping mechanisms are perfect for keeping us in a constant cycle of suffering.
They keep us hooked in and coming back for more.
The flavor of suffering that we crave can often be directly linked to the feeling we had when we were the most traumatized. Surprisingly, many addiction causing traumas can be tracked back to the ages of 3-7.
It is not uncommon to go even further to a trauma that was experienced or absorbed before birth while still in the mother’s womb.
In the shock of trauma there are 8 great fears that can take root in the mind as harmful addictions to pain. Meant to separate us from happiness and personal power.
- Miserly Mindset
In order to come back to fulfillment, happiness, balance and wholeness we must find our back to:
- Self compassion
- Unconditional Love
- Self Forgiveness
- Self Knowing
- Omniscient awareness
Here is a simple way to come into a place of compassion, forgiveness and love in the moment.
When we are feeling empty, restless, and wanting to run to our coping mechanisms. We can stop and notice.
Then, simply state, “This part of me that feels angry right now, deserves more love not less.” Then, breathe that in.
“This part of me that feels empty right now, deserves more love not less.”
You get the picture. It is not always an easy choice when we just want to feel better NOW, but if you will stop and make this choice, you will notice a shift. It takes making this choice repeatedly before it becomes second nature but it will make a difference if you want it.
In every moment, we are feeding Heaven or feeding Hell. The result is more love or more fear.
Ultimately, it is up to you but you can make it easier on yourself.
With Energy Medicine Healing, the addictions can often fall away very quickly and it gives you added support. You do not ever have to do this alone.
It can happen that an addiction is caused from a spirit attachment or entity and needs to be extracted. It is rare, but some individuals find that they are unable to make a simple choice because they feel controlled by something or someone. In some cases, once the attachment or entity has been extracted, the addiction falls away completely. In others, it may take several sessions before the source of the addiction is eradicated. It all depends on the source of the wound, trauma or influence.
I hope this has been helpful.
Thank you for reading.
Misha Almira is a shamanic healer. meditation teacher, and full time blogger.