How to Overcome Disillusionment- Stay Solid in the Midst of Chaotic Emotions
Ever Feel Like You Don’t Know What to Trust Anymore?
Sometimes life can leave us disillusioned. We can be rocked so hard that we lose ourselves in the emotions and story of it all. It can leave us feeling isolated and terribly lonely.
It is hard to know where to put our trust in these moments when we feel like our faith, hope, and trust have been shattered by an unpredictable event.
This is especially true when the event taps into an old wound. It can bring up emotions that are overwhelming and take us to places we do Not want to go. What do we do when this happens?
We Have a Choice
We can make choices to avoid it by distracting ourselves, projecting it on someone in blame, running away from it by numbing out. There are numerous ways to numb ourselves.
We could choose to drink, do drugs, eat comfort food, have sex, and stuff the feelings away for another day.
Distraction is an automatic “go to” for a lot of us. We can decide we are too busy to deal with this drama and just get busier at work. We can use our families as distractions, and immerse ourselves in care taking.
We can also just sit down and watch T.V. or Facebook for hours until we feel significantly subdued. There are distractions everywhere which make this a very convenient choice, but not the choice to peace.
Blame is a good one because it is easy to justify. We can blame the person or circumstance that brought out the feelings in us, making them wrong forever if we choose.
Once we make them wrong, we can look for ways to find revenge or vengeance to teach them a lesson. Then, we will not have to feel this ever again! Wrong.
This is one I got caught in for years. Holding grudges was automatic. Want to know where it got me? I got fat, hateful, and depressed.
When we make this choice, we are just building a reserve of emotions that will erupt at a later moment. It is only an illusion that we have escaped them.
They will wait for us to fill our reserves. Then, they will surface again, even more powerfully than before.
Another choice we have is to go into a pity party. We indulge the story around the emotions asking wrong questions like, “why does this always happen to me?”
We get into a victim role and it keeps us from fully moving the emotions. Instead, we feel we need to protect ourselves and keep perpetuating victim stories.
We may think we are feeling but we are really enabling our victim inside. We are coddling our pain and ego.
This can go on for an entire lifetime if we choose it, but we will never feel free.
I have included my experience below so you can see different choices I made in the process.
It is okay to just allow the process to unfold in a natural flow.
Clarity comes when we have let go completely of the mind. It can take on a life of its own. Be patient.
Warning: This story may be disturbing to some.
I just found out that my boyfriend’s employer killed some kittens because they were hanging around the dumpster.
I am so sad and angry about this and my initial reaction mode is to do something about it. Rage fills me.
I want to let people know about it and make him pay! “What is happening to me?”
I could gather the rest of them and get them fixed then release them. I could send a curse to the owner and vow to never support his business again.
I could spread the word so others do the same! I am seething with anger and rage!
I stop myself and just decide to feel the pain. It feels like my heart is breaking apart. The pain is almost unbearable to sit with.
I know I can’t hold onto the blame and hatred. I send him compassion and love. It hurts to do this. I do it again. I send compassion to all beings.
I send compassion to the survivor cats. I send love out to the Universe. I send compassion and love to all abusive a#%holes out there.
May their hearts and eyes be open to what they are doing.
I allow the story to fall away from my broken heart and just feel the loss. I could cry and cry. I think of all the abuse in the world and cry some more.
Who are we to play God and decide that these cats must not live because there are too many of them and they inconvenience us.
Through the tears, I tap into my own experience of feeling unsafe in this world. I feel my fear of abandonment, pain, and distrust in humanity.
My world starts crumbling around me.
“What is there to trust?”
This is not the first time I’ve felt this way. I breathe into it deeper. In the middle of the pain, I hear a voice say, ” love yourself.”
I cry deep tears of sadness as I ask, “what would a person who loved themselves do now?” I drop to my knees and weep.
It feels like tears for every abused animal, girl, boy, man, woman, the Earth, and me. I wrap love around my heart and cry some more.
I feel an opening inside. I feel held in strength. I allow my awareness to go down into the Earth’s core.
I realize I am solidly connecting with the womb of the Earth…The Mother. I ground into love and into rich abundant life-giving planet I am on.
The sorrow is still pulsing in waves through my heart center but there is a strong umbilical cord feeding me with a greater sustenance.
It just Is. Trust exists. Love exists. Safety exists. Everything I am and everything I’m not…just is.
I step outside. I look up in the sky…feeling raw…thanking the wind. As I feel my connection with the wind, it picks up and starts dancing the trees.
The awe washes over my whole being. It slows to sweet delicate subtle caress across my cheek. I am supported. I AM.
Losing all thoughts of judgment, I sense the absolute perfection of All That Is. Not as a concept but as the Eternal Beingness that lives through each one of us.
Even the Beings I have perceived as abusive.
What to Make of It
You can see from the above example that I thought about making quite a few unhealthy choices and even followed them for a while.
I resisted the feelings a bit and then I moved through it. It is okay to cry.
Realizations came on their own and in the middle of it, nothing made sense.
Years ago when I felt this lost, I would choose to retreat into a depressed victim state. I could get lost in it for months. It felt like something that happened to me, but it was a choice I made to try and force a feeling of safety.
This time, by turning and walking directly into the intense emotions, it allowed them to move through me. It was incredibly uncomfortable until I made the decision to just let go and take all my awareness inside.
Then, making the choice to ground into the Earth and Love gave a solid foundation to stay rooted in. This enabled the emotions to flow down in the Earth for recycling.
If we are putting all of our awareness in the story, we are not grounded. We are trying to anchor into an ever changing source.
This is trying to anchor our boat by throwing our anchor at the waves and getting it thrown right back at us. We can continue to do this, but it will not get the results we want.
Instead, we must anchor in the unchanging solid Truth, the depths of the One, the Core of the Earth.
We must find a solid foundation to stay seated and rooted in. Otherwise, we will constantly thrown around in the storm of life.
- Stand on the ground
- Picture roots stretching down from your feet and reaching deep into the Earth’s Core.
- Picture roots coming from fingertips down into the Earth.
- Notice what is happening