How To Return To Power Through Our Greatest Fears
To Truly Forgive Means To Fully Allow The Person To Be As They Are
Role of Dreams in Integration
Several years ago, I began mentoring with a Shaman. I began having vivid dreams that felt like a reality as true as this one. One night, a man that was part crow and part man came to my window. He looked in at me while I slept, with piercing black eyes. His face morphed between man to crow. He began clawing his way in through the window.
I knew his intention…he was hunting me. I woke up in the arms of my boyfriend. He was telling me, it was a nightmare and I was safe.
My face was wet with tears, I was shaking. He said I was whimpering and screaming. I felt terrified.
Then, I started having dreams of a hunter spirit hunting my cats. Every night for months, I had to track down my cats and save them before they were taken by this stalker. There was a tree they were taken into and I’d have to climb through the chambers until I found them and freed them.
I’d save them night after night, but I knew this presence was still lingering.
Then, it progressed into my cats and my boyfriend being hunted. I’d have to find and save them before imminent death occurred. Then, I was being hunted as I tried to save them.
Role of Intuition
Several months later, I moved to a new place, returning to a place I’d seen as sacred, Crescent Lake, WA.
I’d been there a week or so before I started feeling a presence while doing a sandpainting one day while I was awake. It felt like it was watching me, not threatening but not exactly warm either. Then, my cat started running from something that I couldn’t see. She would look behind her and run to a hiding place.
This went on for several days. I had to leave for Texas to attend my sister’s wedding. I went to find my cat to say goodbye and let her know I’d be back in a week. She wasn’t in sight. I was sad to leave and had a strange feeling I should stay.
I felt like something bad might happen to someone I love and like I wasn’t going to see someone again. I dismissed it as paranoia.
A week later, I got a call from my boyfriend that my cat had passed away. He thought she was poisoned.
It was a shock. I couldn’t process the grief without somehow feeling guilty like she had taken a hit. Like this hunter had finally gotten her and somehow it was my fault.
Role of the Unseen in Waking State
A couple of years ago, I took a trip to Peru to attend 8 Ayahuasca ceremonies. While I was there, I felt haunted and hunted by a familiar presence…a Sorcerer/Sorceress.
It felt powerful and I felt that it was hunting me. I did everything I could to push it away. To read the full story, go here.
Role of Old Agreements & Patterns in Life
When I returned home, I had a Shaman work on me to remove what I perceived as a presence haunting me. I was afraid it was a Brujo/Sorcerer.
What she found was an old contract that I had that gave permission for anything to use my body as a vessel for magic. The problem was, I was saying yes to black magic to come in.
I could feel this on some level, so I’d shut down my abilities and played small. She removed the old contract and put in a new one saying I was only available to serve the Divine in the Highest Integrity & Love.
When she removed it, I could feel lighter…bigger, like a weight was lifted. I went inside my house.
Then, I started hearing loud banging on the roof.
When I walked outside and looked up, I saw the trees filled with crows. They were throwing big sticks on my roof…true story.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was fully awake and this was happening.I went back inside and got under my covers. I lasted about 15 minutes. Then, it stopped suddenly and it felt like the presence was not there.
This all ties together, just stay with me…
Role of Unresolved Grief & Emotions
So, I have had trouble letting go of my cat for years, often wondering if I had a soul loss when she died.
I’d never worked on this piece in healing session but It was no surprise when she came up in a session just the other day.
The grief, guilt, and sadness all came rushing out to finally be healed.
This feeling like I was at fault for her death and that she had somehow taken a hit for me was being deeply processed through the healing session.
Return of Power Through Our Greatest Fears
When it felt complete, a soul piece came back but it was not a piece I’d anticipated. What came back was a Sorceress/Female Mage.
A Hunter that is not afraid to destroy…is not afraid of death, A Great Stalker of Darkness. The very thing, I’d been afraid of for all these years.
A day after my session where I embraced this powerful soul piece back into my being, my cat was shot with a pellet gun by a hunter.
I processed so many heavy emotions, I thought my body would not be able to fully handle it.
Even after the emotional purging, it didn’t make sense. Until now.
Everything that looks dark and scary is a part of ourselves wanting to be seen, heard, understood, and loved.
It is a piece of us that we have shoved back into the deepest shadows. It presents itself in our pain body, showing up in the things that trigger us the most.
This hunter, destroyer, brutal slayer, stalker aspect was showing up to be integrated back into my Being. I kept seeing it as something evil, to get rid of or ignore.
As a result, more scenarios showed up to embrace it fully, forgive it whole-heartedly and allow it to teach unconditional love on a deeper level.
Secret to Integration
Integration of shadow pieces can seem confusing because these parts have been hidden from us. We often go straight to denial, wanting nothing to do with it.
This is how we find similar scenarios that we don’t want, showing up over and over again in our lives. “Why do I keep attracting a-holes in my life?” “Why does it feel like nothing works out for me?”
We cannot see what is in our shadow until it presents itself to us. Often, it will present itself in dreams or visions. It can show itself in patterns or themes in our lives.
Don’t Be Afraid To Get Help
Once we become aware of what is triggering us, it is helpful to seek a healer or professional. Then, they can help us to pull this part completely out of shadow so we can heal what is unprocessed around it.
We call this shadow work, imprint clearing, soul retrieval, and integration. To learn more go here.
We must first do the work on clearing the old, feeling the trapped emotions, cleaning up our house before the soul piece or power can come back to us.
Then, once it comes back, we have to be willing to embrace it completely. We don’t always know how to do this. It is a process.
It is a slow opening of our heart. It is developing a relationship with this new aspect within us.
Finding out what it needs and what it is bringing back today. Then, playing.
Becoming Whole Again
I don’t have to be a hunter now. After all, this is a part of me coming back. It does not have to look like anyone else’s flavor. It is the strength and power aspects that it brings back.
What I found so far is a healer that is willing to destroy what no longer serves. A bold change maker. A fearless stalker unafraid to walk into darkness with her eyes wide open.
This is just the beginning. Coming into wholeness again is the most fulfilling and rewarding experience I have had in this life. It just keeps getting better.
Thank you for reading.
To learn more about Energy Medicine Healing go here